Peonies

On Memorial day weekend our Peonies bloomed... BEAUTIFUL! And they have a VERY Special meaning to us... because they were Peonies that Cathy planted. 8 months after Cathy passed away we (Brad & I) bought the home that Brad grew up in... that Cathy & Gayle built in 1976 when Brad was 1. Words cannot express how special it is to us... living in the home that Cathy Loved... we feel close to her here & that is comforting to us.

Life continues on... time passes... but the LOVE never fades!! Today Brad & I are struggling with some potentially bad news & I am wishing Cathy was here to comfort Brad. I can tell you that yesterday I felt her presence & I know she is watching over us & I DO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!

Sharing some photos of Cathy's Peonies with you. Chase took 2 out to Grandma last weekend & we noticed a special visitor moved the pennies into the shape of a cross. The kids take a penny & leave a penny for Grandma each time we visit. (A tradition we learned from Aunt Sherry... I still need to look at the history behind this) The were so Amazed this Spring when the snow melted that some of their pennies were still there!! It is something... some connection they can have with Grandma.

One Year - Balloon Release

Gayle bought a huge helium balloon that said "Love" & brought over a permanent marker. We wrote "I Love Yous" & signed our names on the balloon. And then on the afternoon of February 5th, the 1 year anniversary of Cathy's passing, we met at the cemetery & released the balloon.

We all stood there & watched it as it floated away up into the sky... up to the heavens. (Amazingly even in the cold Wisconsin weather it was still able to fly away)

Brad had been there earlier with a rose. And Ryan & his daughter brought some out as well.

We watched as our 2 kiddos & Ryan's daughter explored through the cemetery in their snow boots... children are so innocent & their coping skills are so sweet sometimes. As we were driving home Mia said to me, "Mom, wouldn't it be awesome if we had a big swing & we could just keep swinging until we reached high enough to say Hi to Grandma & maybe even give her a hug?!" And Chase said, "Mom, do you think the balloon has reached Grandma yet? I bet she really likes it." It was then that I realized that our children truly believed that balloon was reaching Grandma in Heaven. *sigh* I just LOVE being a Mom!!





I thought of these things that Cathy missed this past year:
*The birth of another beautiful grandson, Ryan's 3rd child.
*Brad & I buying and moving into his childhood home. The home that Cathy & Gayle built when Brad was 1 and raised their kiddos in for many years before moving to Iowa.
*Watching 3 of her 9 Grandchildren go to school here in her hometown... Cathy had always hoped her 3 boys would come back here. And now 2/3 are here!
*School concerts, sporting events, dance recitals, and activities with her Grand kids.
*Laughing with her many AMAZING Friends.
*Watching Aunt Cherie rollerskate for the 1st time in many years, at the same rink that now 4 generations of Cathy's family have skated at.
*The little things like me calling her for a recipe, getting mail with grandkids drawings inside, planting her garden, camping at the lake, walking Misty (her dog) around the land that she loved, cutting up apples for Misty to snack on, etc...

We find comfort in the Happy memories. We are able to look back now & smile. And I find myself looking up & smiling as well.

We also hung this frame in our living room, I Love what it says, "Those who touch our Lives, Live in our Hearts Forever"

One Year...

Tonight our kids gave Brad his Birthday cards & on the back of Brad's card Chase drew this:



Grandma Cathy waving to Daddy from Heaven.

I cannot find the words to fully explain the feeling that overwhelmed me when I saw it... that feeling that tugs at your heart/soul.

Tears in all of our eyes.

Tomorrow may be harder than I had thought...

Autopsy Results ~ FTLD-MND

It was Thanksgiving 3 years ago when we found out Cathy's diagnosis... & it is Thanksgiving time again this year that we have found out the results of Cathy's autopsy (neuropathologic examination).

The findings indicate that she suffered from a rare disorder:
"Frontotemporal Lobar Degeneration with Motor Neuron Disease (FTLD-MND)".
There was NO evidence of Pick's Disease.
Other terms for this condition include FTLD with inclusions, tau and synuclein-negative, ubiguinated (ITSNU) - often abbreviated FTLD with ITSNU; FTLD with ubiquitin-positive inclusions - often abbreviated FTLD-U; and motor neuron disease inclusion dementia - often abbreviated MNDID. Motor neuron disease is another name for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's disease. The important discovery over the past few years was the identification of TAR DNA-binding protein - number 43 (TDP-43) as the major protein that is dysfunctional in ALS as well as FTLD-U. This protein was the major dysfunctional protein in Cathy as well. There was no evidence of tau or amyloid or synuclein protein dysfunction.

There was/is no treatment for this illness. And it is an agressive form of the disease.

Sadly Cathy's father passed away from probable ALS (no autopsy was performed) and her Paternal Grandmother had Dementia. This suggests that a genetic mutation caused both or all of these illnesses, yet at this time they are unable to identify the cause. Research is ongoing...

I am Thankful we have the results.
I am Scared of the results.
I am not sure I can put my finger on all of my emotions at this point.

Most articles I have read put Cathy's children & siblings in a 50% risk group if this is familial. And that would put my children in a 50% risk group if their Father (my husband, Cathy's son) has it as well.

I cannot imagine going through this again.
I am still emotionally drained at times thinking of what we went through with Cathy.

But...

I am looking at this as a gift from Cathy.
We have a chance to prepare & stay 'in the know'.
We have a chance to live our lives for the moment.
Celebrate every day.

And PRAY for a treatment & a cure. For my husband, my children, & our family.