Well... we moved Brad to Wisconsin over the weekend to his 'summer rental' & the kiddos and I moved in with my parents for now... until school is out. On the way to Brad's new home we stopped to see Cathy briefly. It was hard... it gets harder every time I think. The fact that she can't communicate now is probably what makes it the hardest. She did say "coffee" when we said it, but it was a struggle for her to get the word out.
Cathy sat in her chair (getting up & down rearranging things, opening & closing her door, pushing buttons on her TV... etc), Brad sat next to her in a chair, & I sat on the floor. We just talked to her, telling her what was going on in our lives. She seems to listen & comprehend parts of it. I looked over & Brad had tears in his eyes & was holding it in... it was a hard visit for him. Bittersweet. He was so happy to tell her he was 'officially' moving home to Wisconsin. And yet, she didn't really seem to understand.
On the way back home I stopped in to see her. She had everything packed up as usual... except for her picture board from Rhonda, it was sitting up on a shelf. She would randomly walk over to it & point at a picture and turn and look at me and smile or laugh. I would say who was in the picture and smile. She also kept unplugging the TV & packing it up. (she has been doing this all day long... so far the TV still works... it is hard to watch her plop it down on top of her laundry basket full of things... but she does wrap it in a blanket) As I was there I kept repeating that I couldn't take her out because I had to go home to Iowa. She kept pointing at my keys and zipping up her coat. At one point she firmly grabbed my hand and walked me towards the door. I redirected her again & finally got her to go in to the dining area to eat her lunch. At that point she sat down & starting eating, I blew her a kiss & waved good bye from across the room and she did the same back. I snuck out at that point. I talked to her nurse on the way out & got a big hug from her. They are all taking such good care of her!! She told me about the concerns they are having, that we hear from all the staff: choking- they have done the Heimlich on her a few times, sneaking out- she keeps trying to leave - I don't know if taking her out so much makes it worse or not - but it makes her so happy that I can't imagine stopping - I just feel bad that it gives them extra work, chasing her down the hall each time & redirecting her. It is not NH policy to tell us about each time, only if something occurs that includes a fall or big concern... so who knows how often they have to chase her down the hall???!!!!
It is hard for me to visit her now... I didn't think I would get to that point. I can't imagine how hard this is for Gayle & the boys. I saw the pain in Brad's eyes this weekend. I can usually emotionally detach from the hurt since she is my MIL, not my Mom. But... I can't do that anymore. However... it won't stop me from visiting her. For her, this is not a choice, having this disease. For me, it is a choice, visit her or not. And I choose to visit because she waits for us to visit. (When you visit half of the time you see her peaking through the window on the doors to her unit, looking to see who is coming down the hall) She still knows alot more than we realize - it is weird how the brain works - what works & what doesn't, when & how & why. It seems like she still feels hurt, pain, loneliness... I will not add to that pain. I will comfort/support her in the only way I know how. Visit. Because she would do that for us. She would be there to comfort/support if she could. She is still my children's Grandma & my husband's Mom.
We are so Thankful for all her visitors!!!!!!!!!
__________________________________________
Note from Jean:
Just an update on my last few visits with Cathy..She seems happy and content when ever I
go there lately, Both Friday and
Saturday this past week we've had
fun down in the main dining room,
the music on Friday she enjoyed,
I'm getting her use to country!!!!!
At first she didn't like it, but I think
she knows if it gets her out of her
unit she'll pretend... We had lots
of fun with bingo too on Thursday,
until the lady sitting next to her had
bingo before Cathy and got CANDY !!!!! We had to have a
Bingo real soon after that, Good
that Shelly J. seen what was going
on.... Today I brought a larger
laundry basket for when she packs up her TV... But I need to get a larger one, didn't work so well.. Gayle is afraid that when she
sets the TV on top the other basket it will fall off, and I think he's right,,, Today she also handed me her Bear to be stitched up, so I will run that over to her soon... Very cold today so
I did not take her out....she took my keys and put her coat on, so
I figured she wanted to go for a
ride... I'll take her out tomorrow,
weather permitting.... That's about
all for now,Cathy was up and
dressed at 3:00 A.M. Maybe a nap this afternoon???? Jean
_______________________________________________
Once again tonight the kids added this at the end of their prayers, "And please help Grandma to get better."
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
54th Birthday Party!!!
Party Postcard: (Brad helped me create it with Sendoutcards! This pic is from a few years ago but we LOVED her smile!!)
We Celebrated Cathy's 54th Birthday Sunday with Family & Friends!! The day was WONDERFUL & went very well!!! Everyone pitched in to help plan her party & it went smoothly. I think we were all a little nervous about how she would do, but we just 'went with the flow' and it all turned out well! The party was from 12-3 and she didn't seem to get ancy or nervous once!!! She smiled, cried, laughed, helped, & hugged!!
Gayle picked the Party place, a park shelter house in town, & the weather was Perfect! Sunny, warm, & not to windy!!! The kids were able to go over to the park & play (actually dig up worms... thank to Jackie for taking the kiddos over to play so we could visit!!!!)
Everyone pitched in and brought something: Jean, Barb S, Barb H, Rhonda, Gretchen, Nina, & I. We set up for the party & cleaned up afterwards! A HUGE THANKS to everyone! The guys even pitched in and brought firewood... Thanks to John, Larry, Gary, Pete, & Gayle!!
Gayle brought Cathy over & she immediately headed to the cake!! Smiles... and then the tears flowed!! From then on people came to help her celebrate over the next 3 hours. She moved from table to table, inside to outside, person to person. At one point she served cake to some friends!! (She still has that hard working, helpful Cathy inside her!!) She also had 2 pieces of cake & then headed for her third piece... by the time Jean & Rhonda got to her it was 6"x6"!! She did have a hard time swallowing & started choking on twizzlers & her sandwich. So we quickly picked up all the twizzlers (one of her fav snacks) & hid them from her, that seemed to help. By the second hour she was getting into her presents & unwrapping them!
We were all so Happy at the turnout! (I wish we would have had a guest book!!! oops!!) At least 60 people came & you could tell it meant alot to her. She wasn't able to communicate it verbally but she smiled & shook her head yes over and over all day!
By the time she headed out holding her vase of flowers she was 'pooped' out! We took her back to the home at 3:10 and she went straight to her room & sat down. She was tired. The staff told us this morning she went to bed early & slept well.
I asked Brad tonight... what should I post about your Mom's Party? And he said, "That is was Good. Simply... a Great Day!"
Big Smiles Below!!!
Jean helping Cathy with Cake!
Another hug coming up!! :)
Brad, Cathy, & I
Cathy & Ryan
Cathy serving her friends cake!
Gayle & Cathy 
Grandma & Mia ... Hot Rods!
I will have to have Rhonda type something up on this one... but basically Grandma Cathy & Mia almost escaped on Saturday!
On Saturday Rhonda & Barb H took Mia (our daughter) shopping with them and then over to see Grandma Cathy. At some point while they were visiting Mia said something like this, "Grandma, are you coming Home?" (Tear jerker!!!!) Grandma grabbed her hand and took off walking!!! Rhonda called her name & she didn't come back. So Rhonda cleared it with the nurse and told them they were 'going for a walk outside'. Cathy took off walking down the road past the car & Rhonda got her stopped by saying, "Cathy, stop, my car is parked right there!" Luckily her car was locked and that distracted her enough to get her just walking around outside. And then eventually inside to watch a movie. Phew! Crisis diverted.
Mia told me about it later & I asked her, "Mia, were you nervous leaving with Grandma?" Mia said, "No Mom, she's my Grandma!" She still has a hard time grasping the whole illness... even this morning she started crying when Grandma took her crayons away when we were visiting, I tried to explain that Grandma was just trying to pick up & it was because she was sick that she didn't understand Mia was still using them... but try & explain that to a 4 year old!!!??!! I'm sorry... as Mia would say, "I'm not 4, I'm 4 1/2!!!!)
On Saturday Rhonda & Barb H took Mia (our daughter) shopping with them and then over to see Grandma Cathy. At some point while they were visiting Mia said something like this, "Grandma, are you coming Home?" (Tear jerker!!!!) Grandma grabbed her hand and took off walking!!! Rhonda called her name & she didn't come back. So Rhonda cleared it with the nurse and told them they were 'going for a walk outside'. Cathy took off walking down the road past the car & Rhonda got her stopped by saying, "Cathy, stop, my car is parked right there!" Luckily her car was locked and that distracted her enough to get her just walking around outside. And then eventually inside to watch a movie. Phew! Crisis diverted.
Mia told me about it later & I asked her, "Mia, were you nervous leaving with Grandma?" Mia said, "No Mom, she's my Grandma!" She still has a hard time grasping the whole illness... even this morning she started crying when Grandma took her crayons away when we were visiting, I tried to explain that Grandma was just trying to pick up & it was because she was sick that she didn't understand Mia was still using them... but try & explain that to a 4 year old!!!??!! I'm sorry... as Mia would say, "I'm not 4, I'm 4 1/2!!!!)
Cathy's Birthday Month
Hello Everyone!!! Sorry it has been almost a month... Holy Cow! This month has been busy here... We sold our house in only 2 weeks!!! So we are packing like CrAzY and moving in with my parents until school is out for the kiddos & then maybe up to Wisconsin with Gayle until the end of the summer... and then hopefully we will find a home of our own! :) Brad started his new job today!! He is so HAPPY to be back on Wisconsin Soil... I don't remember him being this happy since maybe high school... he is almost giddy!!!??!!!
So... the reason we are here... CATHY... MOM:
Communication - Cathy is basically Mute. She does sometimes say a few things but it is a struggle for her to get things out. And when she does it is very mumbly & soft. 99% of the time she answers with a shake of her head yes. So it is even hard to ask her questions and get the correct answers. She still Smiles & Frowns which is the best way to judge how she is feeling.
Choking - Cathy has been choking more again. Ice Cream, eggs, toast, bread...etc... The nursing staff has her eating at the feeding table with them now.
Sleep - Her sleep is still not the best. They have changed some of her meds around to hopefully help with this.
Eloping - (sneaking out??!!) She is still trying this on & off. The staff works so well with her... they are patient & caring yet firm and are usually able to get her back in without a fight.
(It is hard for me to comment on her daily life... I am mostly going off of what I hear from those who are there. So not all of the facts are completely accurate. Thanks to everyone who keeps us posted & stays in touch!)
I talked briefly with Cathy's Dr. in LaCrosse about allowing her to drink alcohol... we just wanted to confirm it was ok with her current meds. His nurse is SO WONDERFUL & called me back quickly and said it was ok, with moderation of course. But Truly, we just want what keeps her happy at this point.
We have had some good updates from friends that I will list below. Brad & I saw her for the first time in a few weeks & it was HARD. Big changes again, as expected, but it doesn't make it easier. I think it gets harder & harder to see her that way... but every once in a while she will shine through & warm our hearts. Brad & I swung through Wisconsin for 2 days the end of the week to look at houses. We went over to see her Thursday morning (on her official BDAY!) and took along her sister, who is in town from Georgia for a week visiting Cathy). It was Nina's first visit since September & Cathy cried when the 3 of us walked in. Hugs. Tears. We didn't stay long because we were heading across the state, we left Nina to visit & headed out. Sometimes short visits seem to be just enough though... she pointed at us and towards the door. Guess it was time for us to go??
The next morning I went over for a while to say a quick hello before leaving... & ended up hanging out for 2 hours! She changed her shirt, switched over her bird pin (a pin she won in Bingo), put on her favorite blue jacket, pulled up the hood, tied the string tight around her face (looked like she was heading for a rain storm), & pointed at the van keys. So... we went out. It was the first time I had taken her out since she lived in the home. She has been out with Gayle, Jean, Barb, & Ryan. And it has been going surprisingly well. So... off we went. It is VERY hard to communicate with her now. So I couldn't ask her where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do. Instead I just guessed & she would point at what direction I should turn. We went to Wal-Mart & bought a few things and then over to McDonalds for Ice Cream. And then back to the home, her home. I was used to having her out in public so I was prepared for how fast she takes off, how she chokes on food, & how she grabs things quickly when shopping... but it was harder now since she is basically mute. And I noticed you get alot of stares from people... sometimes I wondered what they were thinking & wanted to say, "If you only knew..." But what I was happy about is that most people were kind & genuinely friendly. Small Towns are such a great place to be, I know that alot of the people know her or know about her situation & that helps!
Notes from Friends:
____________________________
3/26/08
Just got home from visiting Cathy,
and I took her to the church services that in one of the dining
rooms, she seemed to enjoy, but anyway the Pastor was talking about sharing your smiles and
whatever with a special friend,
guess what Cathy did later when we were sitting and having coffee?
I don't know if you have noticed those two stove pipe orange and
green bracelets she wears all the
time? well she took one off and put it on my wrist and patted my
hand, yes, tears came to my eyes,
so I said,Cathy are we blood sisters??? she shook her head and smiled,.... sure made my day..
It doesn't get any better than this...
Love Jean
(The bracelets were made by Chase & Mia when we visited... I was so happy to know that she was still wearing them!)
_____________________________
4/1/08
Hello Everybody:
Just an update on Cathy...She is
enjoying her days out of her unit..
especially on Mondays when we go to bingo... she's been quite lucky and she wins 2 or 3 times
each time we go.. today the home had a birthday party for all
the residents April birthdays,,, Cathy, Ryan, Gretchen, Laney,
Bryson, Barb S. and I went there to help celebrate, guess what? They draw one name for the door
prize and it was Cathys!!!!
We had cake and ice cream and some good old sing alongs... it was fun.... Before that , the nurses said they were having a hard time
getting her to shower, but I was able to convince her to shower before her party... She wanted me
to stay very close while she was in the shower, and I did.... we washed hair and she said good, I think she was trying to say that it
felt good, so I told the nurses I would try and help them with this
as often as they need.. any way it
was a good day for all. Love
______________________________
4/15/08
Hi everyone, what a great day, sunshine and warmer weather. Just got back from spending time with your mom. We went for a nice walk outside and we stopped at Human Services where I work and she met my co- workers. She enjoyed that and of course they knew so much about her from me. Then when we got back home it was Happy hour in dinning area. Gayle called me last night with the O.K. for her to have a drink or two, so when they came around with the cart, they had beer, wine, whisky, brandy, vodka and others. They named everything off to Cathy and she pointed to rootbeer, guess we don't have to worry about us gals getting to crazy at happy hours. Then they hooked up the new WII game with bowling and she laughed watching others, but was ready to go back to her room before she got a turn. Next time we can bowl against each other, all though the way she wins Bingo she'll probably beat me at bowling. Take care and love to all. Love,Barb
Once Again... HUGE THANK YOU to Barb, Jean, & all her friends for spending time with her!!! They are all so Amazing!!!
So... the reason we are here... CATHY... MOM:
Communication - Cathy is basically Mute. She does sometimes say a few things but it is a struggle for her to get things out. And when she does it is very mumbly & soft. 99% of the time she answers with a shake of her head yes. So it is even hard to ask her questions and get the correct answers. She still Smiles & Frowns which is the best way to judge how she is feeling.
Choking - Cathy has been choking more again. Ice Cream, eggs, toast, bread...etc... The nursing staff has her eating at the feeding table with them now.
Sleep - Her sleep is still not the best. They have changed some of her meds around to hopefully help with this.
Eloping - (sneaking out??!!) She is still trying this on & off. The staff works so well with her... they are patient & caring yet firm and are usually able to get her back in without a fight.
(It is hard for me to comment on her daily life... I am mostly going off of what I hear from those who are there. So not all of the facts are completely accurate. Thanks to everyone who keeps us posted & stays in touch!)
I talked briefly with Cathy's Dr. in LaCrosse about allowing her to drink alcohol... we just wanted to confirm it was ok with her current meds. His nurse is SO WONDERFUL & called me back quickly and said it was ok, with moderation of course. But Truly, we just want what keeps her happy at this point.
We have had some good updates from friends that I will list below. Brad & I saw her for the first time in a few weeks & it was HARD. Big changes again, as expected, but it doesn't make it easier. I think it gets harder & harder to see her that way... but every once in a while she will shine through & warm our hearts. Brad & I swung through Wisconsin for 2 days the end of the week to look at houses. We went over to see her Thursday morning (on her official BDAY!) and took along her sister, who is in town from Georgia for a week visiting Cathy). It was Nina's first visit since September & Cathy cried when the 3 of us walked in. Hugs. Tears. We didn't stay long because we were heading across the state, we left Nina to visit & headed out. Sometimes short visits seem to be just enough though... she pointed at us and towards the door. Guess it was time for us to go??
The next morning I went over for a while to say a quick hello before leaving... & ended up hanging out for 2 hours! She changed her shirt, switched over her bird pin (a pin she won in Bingo), put on her favorite blue jacket, pulled up the hood, tied the string tight around her face (looked like she was heading for a rain storm), & pointed at the van keys. So... we went out. It was the first time I had taken her out since she lived in the home. She has been out with Gayle, Jean, Barb, & Ryan. And it has been going surprisingly well. So... off we went. It is VERY hard to communicate with her now. So I couldn't ask her where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do. Instead I just guessed & she would point at what direction I should turn. We went to Wal-Mart & bought a few things and then over to McDonalds for Ice Cream. And then back to the home, her home. I was used to having her out in public so I was prepared for how fast she takes off, how she chokes on food, & how she grabs things quickly when shopping... but it was harder now since she is basically mute. And I noticed you get alot of stares from people... sometimes I wondered what they were thinking & wanted to say, "If you only knew..." But what I was happy about is that most people were kind & genuinely friendly. Small Towns are such a great place to be, I know that alot of the people know her or know about her situation & that helps!
Notes from Friends:
____________________________
3/26/08
Just got home from visiting Cathy,
and I took her to the church services that in one of the dining
rooms, she seemed to enjoy, but anyway the Pastor was talking about sharing your smiles and
whatever with a special friend,
guess what Cathy did later when we were sitting and having coffee?
I don't know if you have noticed those two stove pipe orange and
green bracelets she wears all the
time? well she took one off and put it on my wrist and patted my
hand, yes, tears came to my eyes,
so I said,Cathy are we blood sisters??? she shook her head and smiled,.... sure made my day..
It doesn't get any better than this...
Love Jean
(The bracelets were made by Chase & Mia when we visited... I was so happy to know that she was still wearing them!)
_____________________________
4/1/08
Hello Everybody:
Just an update on Cathy...She is
enjoying her days out of her unit..
especially on Mondays when we go to bingo... she's been quite lucky and she wins 2 or 3 times
each time we go.. today the home had a birthday party for all
the residents April birthdays,,, Cathy, Ryan, Gretchen, Laney,
Bryson, Barb S. and I went there to help celebrate, guess what? They draw one name for the door
prize and it was Cathys!!!!
We had cake and ice cream and some good old sing alongs... it was fun.... Before that , the nurses said they were having a hard time
getting her to shower, but I was able to convince her to shower before her party... She wanted me
to stay very close while she was in the shower, and I did.... we washed hair and she said good, I think she was trying to say that it
felt good, so I told the nurses I would try and help them with this
as often as they need.. any way it
was a good day for all. Love
______________________________
4/15/08
Hi everyone, what a great day, sunshine and warmer weather. Just got back from spending time with your mom. We went for a nice walk outside and we stopped at Human Services where I work and she met my co- workers. She enjoyed that and of course they knew so much about her from me. Then when we got back home it was Happy hour in dinning area. Gayle called me last night with the O.K. for her to have a drink or two, so when they came around with the cart, they had beer, wine, whisky, brandy, vodka and others. They named everything off to Cathy and she pointed to rootbeer, guess we don't have to worry about us gals getting to crazy at happy hours. Then they hooked up the new WII game with bowling and she laughed watching others, but was ready to go back to her room before she got a turn. Next time we can bowl against each other, all though the way she wins Bingo she'll probably beat me at bowling. Take care and love to all. Love,Barb
Once Again... HUGE THANK YOU to Barb, Jean, & all her friends for spending time with her!!! They are all so Amazing!!!
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