Downturn....

This morning Cathy was found on the floor... somewhere between her bed & the bathroom. She was too weak to get up on her own. I can't tell you 100% the cause of it... she could have just fallen, but after talking to everyone it sounds like something more... maybe a small stroke or maybe just another part of this awful disease. (her vitals were stable) Gayle said she looked pale, did not have her usual smile, & was very lethargic in the morning. When Brad stopped in she was in bed, he can usually coax her out, but he couldn't this morning. It sounds like as the day went on she began to improve. I talked with the Angie (the Nurse) around lunchtime & she said she was up and Hospice was helping her with lunch. She had called Dr. Loepfe's office & gotten some changes in her meds. (Stopping the Seroquel & I think lowering the dose on another. She is not strong enough now to lift a pillow let alone get angry with someone or race out of the building.) She said the staff was even shocked at how much she had changed over night. I am so Thankful for Angie, even when she is having a crazy busy day she still takes the time to talk to me... just listen sometimes!

It was so hard to not just jump in the van & go see her! I struggled with that all day... but the kids were in school. I talked to Jean on the phone (she is in sunny warm Florida, & we are all her in below zero temps!!) & she is planning a trip back soon. I missed a call from Aunt Charlene, hopefully I will catch her tomorrow. I finally called Barb, I just needed a womans opinion... did we need to get there 'now' or could we wait til this weekend. (I know it is impossible to know... but I knew she would at least understand how I was feeling) She stopped back in to see Cathy after work & called me, she felt it was okay to wait until this weekend. Jackie had stopped in this evening & it sounds like Ryan had as well.

I am hoping that whatever happened to Cath this morning, it will not make it even harder for her to swallow... but realistically I know that is a big possibility. It sounds like Hospice is going to start giving her drops for her excessive drooling while eating.

Cathy has been on what seems to be a 'plateau' since before Thanksgiving. We knew that the time would come when she would take another step down again, that seems to be the way she progresses. For awhile she progresses quickly & then it slows down & then it picks up again. But truly she does not have many steps to go... and for the first time I have felt "scared". Brad & I talked about this today. We have been angry... and sad... and now scared.

It has been almost a year since we moved her into the nursing home... the week of Brad's birthday last year. I am hoping & praying that his birthday this year is not filled with that same kind of sadness.