More Changes & Note from Jean

I headed up to Wisconsin last week to help Brad get our new home ready. (painting etc..) I stopped to see Cathy on Sunday night & then again on my way back through on Friday morning... it is a little bit out of the way to stop & see Cathy... but I can't imagine not making the trip. On Sunday night she was in bed... it was only 7:30. She smiled at me from under the covers... but she had that glassy eyed look. For the first time I thought to myself, "I am not sure she knows who I am??" She greets everyone with a smile & I remember how my Grandma was when she started forgetting me... you think they know you by the smile... but then you see them greet everyone that way & realize they do not know who you are. But then again, it may be the medicine. Her meds have been increased because of her increased agitation. She has been sneaking outside & at one point 2 weeks ago she attempted to get into a van in the parking lot... and then when the staff was trying to bring her in she took off towards the fair grounds (just next door to the NH). I have no idea how often the staff has to chase her outside... I know they are not staffed for that & that has made us all uneasy. We don't like the idea of increasing her meds... but we know with this disease that it is necessary for her safety & the safety of others. (catch 22) She also continues to have problems with choking... they switched her to a pureed diet last week & she HATED it!!!! (I am sure it doesn't look very appetizing!) I have talked to a few of the nurses (Who once again are... AMAZING!!!) & they share the same concerns that we do... I am sure they don't tell us everything that happens... but we know the basics. When I stopped through on Friday I brought her some pistachio salad I had made for her (one of her favorites) & some puffed popcorn & Cheetos (idea from one of the nurses). I thought these things might be safe for her to have to snack on... since she can no longer have candy bars, cookies, or twizzlers & she Loves to snack!!

I talk to Gayle & Jean quite a bit... you can hear it in both of their voices... things are tough & not getting any better. On one hand she is in good care at the NH and things could be much worse as far as her not settling in there... but on the other hand, the issues with her choking & the 'numbness' from the meds make things harder. Uffda. As Gayle said to me this week, "The last year and a half has been hard... but the next 6 months looks like it is going to be even harder." *sigh*

Toby & family will be visiting this week from North Dakota... I am sad that it is this week, with her declining, but I am hopeful that having them around may perk her up a bit..??..

The kiddos & I are moving out of my parents & up to Gayle's this week also.... until our house is ready to move into. I am hoping to help him a bit with things.

When I was visiting her Friday she had less things packed up again & she also had a coloring of a horse hanging about her bed. I had thought that maybe Toby or Ryan's daughter had colored it for her & was impressed that it was still hanging on the wall! But when the nurse came in she said that Cathy had colored it! (Oh how I wish that she could talk to us again... it is so hard picking up her signals & pointing.)



___________________________
Hi Beth and family, Thanks for the
update on your new address and
phone numbers... Your going to be
one busy person this summer..
Happy your coming to town
for awhile, we'll have a swim party
when you and the little ones get
settled in...I'll be going to visit Cathy in a minute, but nothing new
to report on her... Gayle brought
Cathy over for a bit yesterday, but
she doesn't want to sit very long...
I've been taking her applesauce or
something similar to that as her
treat, no more candy, in fact the
nurses are saying the same... she
chokes so easily now, even on
liquids... I haven't even been taking her to the DQ, I let Gayle do
that...Like I said before life is not
fair......Have a safe trip to Wisconsin..
Jean

Note From Jean - Brad's weekly visit

Hi Beth and Family:
My daily update with all of you on
my visits with Cathy... I was gone
for 5 days to Texas to visit our
grandkids, so when I got back I went right over to visit with cathy. she was excited to see me but I really don't think she realized I
was even gone for a time..but
anyway she was smiley and happy.
Wednesday afternoon I went to
church with her and then to coffee. Nothing different in that
routine to mention,, she is having
a lot harder time eating, choking
on almost everything..Have to be
very careful what we give her.. It
just breaks my heart to see her
like that,,,Life is not fair at all......
Friday I will play Bingo again with
her, she looks forward to doing
some kind of activity I think....
It's hard to do much as her atten-
tion span is short...She looked so
cute today, Green Packer shoes,
white socks, shorts, bright yellow
T-shirt..But she was happy and
so proud of herself... she made me sign the book again....Not
much more to say for tonite....
Hugs and Kisses to all....
JEAN



_____________________



Brad went over on Wednesday to spend the morning with his Mom. He spent about 2 hours with her & took her out to Wal Mart. She picked out yet another kids movie & then was ready to go back to the NH. She sat with him less this time... he talked with the nurse & they both feel she is wandering more and more again.



I am hoping to head up on Sunday... weather permitting. Here in Iowa we are reaching the 500 year flood levels!!!! It is Crazy & my Dad, being a corn & beans farmer is quite grumpy about it. (SIL - Tracy's Dad is also a farmer here in Iowa) Sandbagging here in town etc... so far my parents home is in the clear. Our thoughts & prayers are going out to the family of the scouts who were killed/injured in the Tornado last night in Western Iowa. This weather has been tough & Brad said that part of the railroad tracks up near Osh Kosh and that area are also washed out. I wish we could send some of this rain to the coasts where they are hot & dry! ... Cathy would be watching the Weather Channel non stop right now if she were not sick.



I found this photo the other night of Cathy sitting at our son's school music concert a year ago. It made me cry... just thinking about the fact that she will not be in the audience again.

Flooding in Iowa

Just wanted to share this photo of our old driveway. This is the driveway that we shared with Cathy & Gayle in Iowa. (Our houses were next door to each other) We used to joke that if the river ever got high enough we might have to use their canoe to get out the driveway... luckily for us it never did when we lived there. But today the river crested higher than in the floods of 1993! Cathy would have gotten a kick out of this! She loved to watch the weather!! Luckily you can tell by the picture that the houses are above the flooding... hopefully their basements are dry!!??!! (I am SO GLAD our house sold so quickly... it would be hard to sell a house with no driveway!)

Mother-In-Law

Brad headed over to see his Mom on Wednesday. He gets one scheduled day off a week that allows him to go farther than 2 hours, so he can go see his Mom. Cathy used to call herself a railroad widow when Gayle was on the road alot with his railroad job. So when Brad took a job with the railroad I knew what to expect from being around the railroad a bit already with his family... but I soon realized that being a railroad wife was tough. (when I feel like he is at work 90% of the time I think about the families of our troops overseas... it could be worse.) Hopefully with his new job in Wisconsin he will be home more than Iowa... so far it looks that way. Cathy & I used to talk about being 'railroad widows', she gave me advice on how to get through the long nights & kids activities with no Dad around. But I also remember her being so proud when he took the job. She was always so Proud of all 3 of her boys!!

Even when Cathy & I disagreed (which was often) I still admired her strong character. I always admired how she took care of the house, the boys, & the dogs on her own when Gayle was on the road. I remember her calling me & telling me all the things she had done that day. In fact... at the time it would irritate me. She would say things like: I mowed the lawn today, did 5 loads of laundry, baked apple crisp, mopped the kitchen floor, cleaned the fireplace, weeded the flowers, walked the dogs around the field 3 times, spoon fed Tiffany her supper (their spoiled Shi Tzu that we all Loved & Hated... Princess Tiffany), dusted the upstairs, etc... Cathy was always a Busy Bee. And when Ryan lived with Brad & I for a short time in college she would even come over to our house & 'clean'. One time she cleaned out our closet!! Throwing away my favorite jeans because they had a hole in the knee!! Argh. But now that I am a Mom... my feelings have changed. I realize how much Love you have for your kids & how they will always be your babies!! I realize why Cathy had been so 'involved' in her boys lives... even once they got married. I suddenly understood why she was 'driving me crazy' and 'giving me advice'. I am not saying that I agreed with everything she said. But I am saying that I began to understand her actions. And I began to Love her & was angry with myself for being so ridiculous over the years.

I regret that I 'warned' my Sister in Laws about how 'overbearing' she could be. Tracy (Toby's wife) has been a friend of mine since we were little, we grew up a mile apart. We were friends before we were sister in laws & she knew about Cathy before she started dating Toby... after all friends talk about everything, right??! (In fact, Tracy & Toby 'met' at our Wedding. I specifically remember her telling me, "Don't set me up with Toby! He is not my type." And one year later... they were married!!) And Gretchen (Ryan's wife)... I remember telling her about Cathy when they first started dating. I thought I was trying to 'prepare her' for Cathy... especially since Ryan was her baby & her life had revolved around his Hockey schedule. I thought she would have a hard time 'letting go' when he was ready to get married. (One curse of my family genetics is that I tend to 'think I know what is best for everyone!' It drives me nuts about my Dad & his relatives... And unfortunately I find myself doing the same thing. Don't we say that we are not going to grow up like our parents?? Uffda!)

I was watching Dr. Phil this week & he had feuding families on. A young woman & her soon to be mother in law who just could not get along. In fact, the soon to be mother in law was not invited to her own sons wedding. I just wanted to reach through the TV screen & shake them. I wanted to shout out so they could hear me, "You have no idea! Just agree to disagree! Seriously People, don't sweat the small stuff!!"

I am getting a little side tracked here... I meant to get on tonight & talk about Brad's visit with his Mom. But I started thinking of how much things have changed & how 15 years ago Cathy drove me nuts! And now I would give anything to have that back!!! It is so hard to see her suffering with this disease. Just as I was beginning to understand her... just as I was becoming a Mom... just as we were forming a relationship... just as she was becoming an amazing grandmother to my son... we started losing her to Pick's Disease.

Back to Brad & his Mom... He made it over after Lunch Wednesday and watched the Little Mermaid & parts of Everafter with her. They were headed out for a walk when it began to sprinkle & she decided to stay inside instead. He sat in her room as she went in & out. Just being there with her. He left for a few hours & went out to the house for awhile... Gayle is on his annual Canada fishing trip this week. Then he headed back over on his way out of town to see her one more time & give her a kiss good bye. She was sitting at the supper table with a bib on. I asked him again how the visit went... not alot of words... just 'harder every time'. She kept trying to give him her build a bear... which I am sure she has been doing with everyone since the voice quit in it again... once again she pushed it over it's 1,000 push limit. We decided we need to get another bear for back up... that way Gayle can swap them when one wears out & that will give him time to find someone to repair the other one. (So far Jean seems like a great bear seamstress!) The bear seems to be the one constant thing, the one thing that she always has around. On her bed or tucked into her jacket. So... I am going on a bear hunt.

Note from Jean

Just me again, checking in with
everyone.. Today there was a
birthday party at the Care Center
for all of June Birthdays, I had a
hard time explaining to Cathy that
it wasn't her birthday and we had
to sit some place other than the
head table, which was reserved
for the birthday people.. but finally
succeeded.She was happy and
smiley the whole time I was with
her...Tomorrow, I think Brad will
be in town, and Thursday morning
John and I are making a quick trip
to Texas... Barb S. will be over the
flu bug by then and will stop daily
and check on Cathy.. Ruth
Sandbergen will also go visit ,,,,
So I hope she won't get too
lonesome???? Had a nice visit
with Toby last night, can't wait to
see him and family in a couple
weeks... That's all for now....Jean

Note from Jean

Hi Everyone:
Just got back from playing Bingo
with Cathy...It's getting harder to
have Cathy sit there even for 20
minutes... she just wants to hurry up and get her coffee and cookie
and then onto something else...
I don't mind as long as I can spend
time with her...the minute we get
back to her room, she brings me
the book to write in, I think she wants me to tell everyone that she
won at Bingo....Maybe we cheat
a little bit, but no one really cares,
it's not like she wins money,just
a candy bar (Chocolate) her very
favorite... She'll point to my cell
phone and then we call either Beth
or Charlene, her eyes light up so
bright when she hears either of
their voices...She listens for a short while then hands the phone
back to me... On Wednesdays we
usually go to church in the day room,
she cries every single time we go,
I try and take her out, but she wants to stay , not sure what that
is all about. If only we were better
at reading minds.. but Cathy is well
taken care of and liked by all the
staff... sure makes it easier for
her family and friends coming and
going.. I also noticed she hasn't
been packing up as much, as she
use to, at least when I've been there.... Her TV got bolted down to
dresser last week, so not able to
pack that up all the time, just the
other day she showed me where
it was attached to the dresser, and I said, that's so you don't
drop it when your packing, she
gave me a funny mean look, but
I truly think she understood what
I was telling her....Other than that
all seems to be going ok,,Day, by
Day is all we can hope for....
Jean