Mother-In-Law

Brad headed over to see his Mom on Wednesday. He gets one scheduled day off a week that allows him to go farther than 2 hours, so he can go see his Mom. Cathy used to call herself a railroad widow when Gayle was on the road alot with his railroad job. So when Brad took a job with the railroad I knew what to expect from being around the railroad a bit already with his family... but I soon realized that being a railroad wife was tough. (when I feel like he is at work 90% of the time I think about the families of our troops overseas... it could be worse.) Hopefully with his new job in Wisconsin he will be home more than Iowa... so far it looks that way. Cathy & I used to talk about being 'railroad widows', she gave me advice on how to get through the long nights & kids activities with no Dad around. But I also remember her being so proud when he took the job. She was always so Proud of all 3 of her boys!!

Even when Cathy & I disagreed (which was often) I still admired her strong character. I always admired how she took care of the house, the boys, & the dogs on her own when Gayle was on the road. I remember her calling me & telling me all the things she had done that day. In fact... at the time it would irritate me. She would say things like: I mowed the lawn today, did 5 loads of laundry, baked apple crisp, mopped the kitchen floor, cleaned the fireplace, weeded the flowers, walked the dogs around the field 3 times, spoon fed Tiffany her supper (their spoiled Shi Tzu that we all Loved & Hated... Princess Tiffany), dusted the upstairs, etc... Cathy was always a Busy Bee. And when Ryan lived with Brad & I for a short time in college she would even come over to our house & 'clean'. One time she cleaned out our closet!! Throwing away my favorite jeans because they had a hole in the knee!! Argh. But now that I am a Mom... my feelings have changed. I realize how much Love you have for your kids & how they will always be your babies!! I realize why Cathy had been so 'involved' in her boys lives... even once they got married. I suddenly understood why she was 'driving me crazy' and 'giving me advice'. I am not saying that I agreed with everything she said. But I am saying that I began to understand her actions. And I began to Love her & was angry with myself for being so ridiculous over the years.

I regret that I 'warned' my Sister in Laws about how 'overbearing' she could be. Tracy (Toby's wife) has been a friend of mine since we were little, we grew up a mile apart. We were friends before we were sister in laws & she knew about Cathy before she started dating Toby... after all friends talk about everything, right??! (In fact, Tracy & Toby 'met' at our Wedding. I specifically remember her telling me, "Don't set me up with Toby! He is not my type." And one year later... they were married!!) And Gretchen (Ryan's wife)... I remember telling her about Cathy when they first started dating. I thought I was trying to 'prepare her' for Cathy... especially since Ryan was her baby & her life had revolved around his Hockey schedule. I thought she would have a hard time 'letting go' when he was ready to get married. (One curse of my family genetics is that I tend to 'think I know what is best for everyone!' It drives me nuts about my Dad & his relatives... And unfortunately I find myself doing the same thing. Don't we say that we are not going to grow up like our parents?? Uffda!)

I was watching Dr. Phil this week & he had feuding families on. A young woman & her soon to be mother in law who just could not get along. In fact, the soon to be mother in law was not invited to her own sons wedding. I just wanted to reach through the TV screen & shake them. I wanted to shout out so they could hear me, "You have no idea! Just agree to disagree! Seriously People, don't sweat the small stuff!!"

I am getting a little side tracked here... I meant to get on tonight & talk about Brad's visit with his Mom. But I started thinking of how much things have changed & how 15 years ago Cathy drove me nuts! And now I would give anything to have that back!!! It is so hard to see her suffering with this disease. Just as I was beginning to understand her... just as I was becoming a Mom... just as we were forming a relationship... just as she was becoming an amazing grandmother to my son... we started losing her to Pick's Disease.

Back to Brad & his Mom... He made it over after Lunch Wednesday and watched the Little Mermaid & parts of Everafter with her. They were headed out for a walk when it began to sprinkle & she decided to stay inside instead. He sat in her room as she went in & out. Just being there with her. He left for a few hours & went out to the house for awhile... Gayle is on his annual Canada fishing trip this week. Then he headed back over on his way out of town to see her one more time & give her a kiss good bye. She was sitting at the supper table with a bib on. I asked him again how the visit went... not alot of words... just 'harder every time'. She kept trying to give him her build a bear... which I am sure she has been doing with everyone since the voice quit in it again... once again she pushed it over it's 1,000 push limit. We decided we need to get another bear for back up... that way Gayle can swap them when one wears out & that will give him time to find someone to repair the other one. (So far Jean seems like a great bear seamstress!) The bear seems to be the one constant thing, the one thing that she always has around. On her bed or tucked into her jacket. So... I am going on a bear hunt.